Email Verified Identity Verified Bernadette Judd
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Member since 29-04-2022
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  • $ 130.00  / hr
  • New Plymouth
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“Dear Valued Customer”. 

Arghkkk, kill me already.

Or… just kill the meh? The dullness and stiff cliches won’t be missed.

Imagine throwing an epic party in your customers’ inbox, where they become so addicted they BRIBE you by buying stuff, just to make sure they’ll get their next dopamine hit. Imagine them forwarding stuff to their friends, who then get FOMO and join your cult, er, email list. 

You’ve heard someplace that email converts to sales 4x more than social, and while you probably should read a book about that, you’ve got fires to put out and orders to ship. Cool!

Hey, it’s not that social is a waste of time. It’s that you’re on rented land. You don’t own the database. You don’t invent the rules. 

And just when you mastered MySpace, everybody jumped ship. It’s TikTok today, TaTaaaa tomorrow. Isn’t that frustrating? Every platform starts off free and awesome, then as soon as enough people are using it to be worth going all-in on… it becomes a toll road that hikes its prices every time another car uses it… and has a list of terms and conditions that wraps around the earth 3 times.


But how to crank up email? This is going to sound so common sense you’ll wonder why you aren’t already doing it. First, throw in engaging content designed to make people want to share–the same as good brands are doing on social. Entertain them. Memes. Laughs. Hacks. Fun stuff that hints at your product. Useful testimonials. At ease, soldier!

Then, pitch. No, not like a telemarketer that keeps calling and talks over you while you’re making excuses about cooking dinner… don’t be weak or needy or drone on. But have confidence in your product–you’re not “bugging” your subscribers, they signed up to hear from you.

Show them a good time! Tell stories that show your product solving problems and help people escape mundanity for a bit. Use words people relate to and write the way people speak. Act like your customer is a friend. They’re parked up on the couch giggling at your email and you’re yelling from the next room “hey. So you gonna buy or what”. People will start to reply with “thank you!!!!!” and “love this” and “if you can’t marry me can I at least get branded hoodies for my wedding because I’ve never met a bottled water brand like yours”. 

For best results, use regular broadcasts as well as setting up one-time sequences for things like welcoming new subscribers, nurturing new customers, or helping close a sale. But whatever you do… don’t be boring.

Sounds kinda fun, hey! We’re gonna pour source over all your content so that people double-dip. We’re gonna sneakily wean them from passively following you on social media where you don’t even know their real name, to offering you their firstborn if it means joining your famous inbox parties.

Because if your customers read your marketing before they even hop out of bed, and it makes them feel better about the meaning of life on some level, YOU’RE WINNING. Proctor and Gamble will cry themselves to sleep at your competitive advantage.

How to get yours:

Contact me with a brief of what you want to accomplish and how I can help. Include links to your product or brand. 

I’ll come back with some questions and a calendar link.

See you on the other side… buckle up!


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